i dont know what to do anymore
i make the same mistakes
i swore i've fixed before
i still slit my wrists
til i find where the vein splits
drip, drip, drip
my suicide note would read
sorry world, but you were too much for me
make sure in my epitaph
you write i'm a coward
with a capital C
if i meant something to you
just know i meant nothing to me
behind closed doors my mask comes off
for only me to see
and that's when the red runs down my arms
and down my fingertips
drip, drip, drip
i am my own anesthetic
bipolar, depressed, man under stress
does that sound familiar?
what is your muse
and what do you use
to make yourself feel better?
drugs?
women?
they are just temporary reprieve
when the heart and the root of the problem
is within me
and that's why the red runs down my arms
and down my fingertips
drip, drip, drip
i am my own anesthetic
my sleeping patterns fucked up
i dont sleep
i just wait under the amber light
and let the moonlight swallow me
i haven't dreamt in over 13 years
not one i remember
guess i'm too scared to face my fears
i am my fathers son
thats not what scares me
in so many ways
our mirror image appears the same
i'm not half the man i try to be
still not half the man as you
and i'm falling apart as me
i've lived up to expectations, whose?
not mine, but you say that i'm doing alright
not me
i say i'm wasting my time
and wasting my life on this
one of a kind you say
but who are you to tell me what i could be
you wanna know what i think
i think it'd be stupid for you to envy me
choices aren't just luck
so next time you should bite your tongue
i am not alright
and that's what keeps me up at night
i've lived up to expectations, whose?
not mine, but you say that i'm doing alright
not me, i say i'm lost
but not quite a lost cause
this is me
and my lack of decision making
i've said live free, be free
i let my heart lead
and its led me towards understanding
if i cross my fingers hard enough
i know it won't do anything
since i don't believe in luck
i guess i'll just call it coincidence
and find a cure for my emptiness
if i light another cigarette
it'll fill my empty chest
for a little bit
25 years of catching my breathe
i wish for something more permanent
like death.
a not so tragic tragedy
the death of
my body
my mind
my spirit
my everything
i just want to give up, but i can't
i could never disappoint my friends
just know that the current state i'm in
has left me cold and empty again
and i'm not picking myself up again
i've had a not so tragic tragedy
the death of
my body
my mind
my spirit
my everything
about
we've been sitting on these tracks forever. we recorded them for various splits we were going to do, then never did. we've had a ton of problems with getting back mixes of the second part of our demo, so instead of keeping everyone waiting we've decided to release these tracks. enjoy.
credits
released July 10, 2015
album artwork done by our good buddy Dan Cicchelli
www.facebook.com/dcicchelli
check his stuff out, super awesome painter from our area.
Recorded at home, Six Organs of Admittance's 21st album upholds Ben Chasny's reputation for experimental psych-folk excellence. Bandcamp New & Notable Apr 25, 2024
Keith Richards, Rosanne Cash, Lucinda Williams, Joan Jett, and more pay tribute to the enduring and visionary music of Lou Reed. Bandcamp New & Notable Apr 23, 2024
Leaning into the sparse, impressionistic sound of 2023's albu "Nature Morte," the Montreal metallurgists sound as heavy and radiant as ever. Bandcamp New & Notable Apr 21, 2024
The UK upstarts' debut veers from sunny, psychedelic folk to bristling post-punk with reckless abandon without ever missing a beat. Bandcamp New & Notable Apr 18, 2024